Sunday, May 1, 2016

Perpetual vision (or visual) from God

I'm using the word perpetual to describe a type of vision (or visual) that God shows me again and again. This has been something that has gone on with me for a long time. I've had several of these. It's interesting because I go for a very long time with little understanding of the vision/visual but at some point meaning comes. Sometimes I wonder if I simply prayed more about what I'm seeing, if I'd get the meaning faster. I think that could be true but not always. For some of these, I know I've prayed quite long and walked away in prayer, leaving it in my journal, dated and trusting that God will reveal what He wants when He wants and when it is time.

One perpetual visual I have had is Jesus walking on the large hill that was in the front yard of my childhood home. There seems to be a flower garden there. But the flowers are very sparse. In fact, at times, I'm wondering if they are flowers at all. Yet, Jesus is there, on that hill walking in this sad little garden. At times, He looks to be carefully tending to the flowers and at other times, He's just standing there or walking along the rows. I've been seeing this for probably about 2 years.

Today, I really felt God speaking to me through the sermon my pastor preached. He talked about how we handle the bad things that happen in our lives; our childhood traumas, any trauma. I came to see that I had some bad theology that needed to be tossed out. It was just not scriptural. And this bad theology has truly held me back from overcoming some of the painful events I endured in my past. Recently I've found myself engaged in one of the toughest battles of my life, emotionally. As this message was registering, I felt the Lord speak with a resonating reassurance, 'I told you I'm taking care of you.' And then I saw the perpetual vision of Jesus again.

It doesn't take rocket science to figure out that this perpetual vision certainly does have to do with Jesus doing a work within me and in regard to the wounds of my past. I still don't know what this garden is about. And I'm not even speculating. As I get older, I have learned that over thinking can take you farther from the understanding of a thing. I will pray about it. I trust God and know He will show me what I need to see when He wants me to see it.

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