In the last 2 years, as I've given up alcohol and drugs and now cigarettes, I have not been spared withdrawals. As I begin to operate in certain areas God has lead me into, I have not been spared challenge, trial and pain. Some would interpret this as a lack of care. But I know who my Father is. I trust Him. He loves me. The thorns are a part of a rose. You cannot have one without the other. Others may be spared withdrawals and pains but I KNOW that I know that God is allowing this pain for a reason. I'd love for it to be gone. But I love God's will more. I trust God's work. These challenges and pains are not fruitless. God has placed a rose in my heart once (a pink one). As He's handed me these roses, He has not taken away the thorns. This work that He is doing in me is one I hunger for. And it is worth the pain. Well worth the pain.
As I continued to worship, I saw the Lord Jesus standing before me with His eyes fixed on me. My heart was very touched and I heard, 'My eye is on my people. I see them. I look at them.' Words alone don't convey the message. I felt the power of His attention to His people as He gazed at me and those around me as we worshiped Him.
I then felt the 'weight' of God's love for people. I've never even thought of God's love being 'heavy'. But it was massive and so heavy. I compared it to a large amount of water. I heard, 'All the oceans and then more'. As I felt this heaviness of God's love, I began to weep. If others heard me, it would've sounded very sorrowful. It was sorrowful but also full of desire, care and joy. I don't know how I know this but I do. I was not able to see the fullness of the weight of God's love for my human body would not be able to contain it. It is heavy and very, very powerful.
Pastor Chris' sermon tonight helped me put together what is happening in my life and what I've been feeling stirring. He preached about adoption. I am just beginning to 'walk' in the truth of my adoption. When we accept Christ, we are adopted by Father God but we don't always realize what that means or what it is. I began to see that I could trust God as my Father. This has opened up realities I never imagined existed. My identity is being made known to me and I fear less. I live in the security of the loving arms of my Father.